What have I gotten myself into

On the surface, for someone who has run a marathon, half marathon, and several 10 K's, the prospect of running the upcoming Boulder Boulder on Memorial Day shouldn't be that daunting. After all, it is a 10K, relatively flat course, with lots of entertainment along the way. To say I am overwhelmed is an understatement. I'm overwhelmed, in pain, and at a loss for how to train. It's been over 2 years since I last ran. I gave it up upon becoming pregnant the first time, due to pain in my knees with my loosening joints from the pregnancy hormones. After birth, I didn't get back into it due to my painfully large breastfeeding bust size and no appropriate bras to fit it. Now that I am weening from breastfeeding I thought this would be the perfect time to sign up for a race. I am now second guessing that thought.

Upon registration I was filled with that thrill I always get when I have a goal to train for. I am not, and will never be, a natural runner. Every mile has always been a struggle between painful joints, asthma, and muscles that are built for power, not endurance. I set out on my first training run with a thought in my head that, jog stroller and all, I would run for 30 minutes at a comfortable pace. Um, no. First of all, I have a cheap jog stroller that was a gift, so I feel bad complaining. It's no Bob Stroller, let's just say that. I am 5'1" tall and no jog stroller is made to fit my frame. At best, running downhill, the handle is at my chest level, at worst, going uphill, I am basically pushing it from underneath. I get cramps in my shoulder blades as soon as I begin. My knees are killing me, I feel like I've strained something in both calves/shins, and I get a cramp in my side less than 5 minutes into my run. Needless to say my motivation for training is dwindling. I am frustrated and disheartened that I will never be able to adequately train for a race again or feel like I am in good aerobic shape. I feel like I am strong from lifting a 20 lb child daily, but running is telling me I'm not.

So I trudge on towards May 31st. Will I be able to run or will I give in, drop down to a longer timed start, and carry Peyton on my back with the rest of the walking moms? I feel old, I feel out of shape, and I feel defeated.