Pregnancy-Sick, Tired, and Impatient

I will be starting a blog for this baby, just like we did with Peyton, but since we are waiting to come up with a name after we find out the sex, I will continue on my blog until then.  

Ahh, pregnancy.  A time for a woman to glow.  That's exactly how I felt with my charmed first pregnancy.  I wasn't sick, I was tired, but it was tolerable, I fit into my normal clothes until nearly 20 weeks, and I relished in following along with my pregnancy in multiple pregnancy books telling me where the baby was in his development, what I should be feeling and doing, etc.  Fast forward to pregnancy number two.  I wake up every day nauseated and pretty much maintain that state until I go to bed.  I've had every stomach ailment you can think of and am constantly bloated.  I can barely make it through a work day without a nap and on the days I'm home with Peyton I sleep when he sleeps, not getting anything done around the house, and am usually rudely awakened when he wakes up before I do.  So much for my goal to do yoga three days a week during his naps.  Pregnancy books just aren't as informative and exciting the second time around.  I am also feeling like a terrible mom to my current child.  I don't have the energy to play with him like he wants me to and I lose my temper when he runs away while we are trying to get ready for bed because I don't have the energy to get up and chase him.   I'm not really the best wife right now either.  My temper is short, my husband's busy schedule with school is making me angry because it feels like I'm home alone with Peyton all the time, and I'm usually in bed by 8, limiting any conversation or extracurricular activities we might have participated in.

They say that second pregnancies are full of less worry because you know what to expect.  I'm finding that I have at least as much, if not more worry than the last time, but for different reasons.  I am very worried we won't be able to give this child all the opportunities we were able to give to Peyton.  With Peyton we were able to alternate our work schedules to avoid any child care for an entire year and we had my husband's student loans to allow me to only work 2 days a week.  I really feel that the reason Peyton's personality and temperament are the way they are is because we were able to be his only influences during his first year.  I would feel differently if we hadn't been able to do this for him, but I would hate to not be able to offer this to this child.  As of now I think we will have to do at least one day of child care and we may have to sacrifice having any days off together.  I keep trying to tell myself that everything fell into place with Peyton after he was born.  We didn't even have a plan before then, so it's awfully early to be worried.  But that's me, I can't get the internal dialogue to stop.

I go to the midwife on November 30th for my first appointment.  I am so impatient for things to move along.  I'm impatient about the appointment to hear the heartbeat, I'm impatient to get out of my first trimester and hopefully get some energy back and get rid of the nausea, I'm impatient to find out the sex and to hopefully find out that this is a healthy baby (since everyone is already telling me it's going to be a girl since this pregnancy is so different than my first, and don't even get me started on the speculation of twins).  But, as with the first pregnancy, I am impatient to meet this new little person, but also don't want to rush it because I'm not ready yet.  Peyton's not potty trained yet, something that HAS to be done before the baby is born.  We were on a roll until I got so tired.  If it's a boy, we're much more ready than if it's a girl.  We need to figure out sleeping arrangements too, since I don't think a newborn and a just 2 year old will make really good roommates right away.  I know, I know what you're thinking.  These things are trivial and will work themselves out.  Welcome to my brain, I would like a vacation from it if anyone can tell me how.