Ruminations on me

I am me.  I am a crunchy granola girl who hugs trees.  I gave birth to two gorgeous babies with a midwife in the water and watched them immediately recognize me as "Mama" and take hold of my heart (and breast) and not let go.  I buy organic food and I have a garden that fails miserably every summer and yet every summer I try.  I dream of being a nomad and living off the land.  I had an awful relationship with my deceased, alcoholic father, I have a wonderful relationship with my mother, and I have a wonderful husband who I am muddling through this complicated life with.  I dream, BIG.  I'm internal, often forgoing what I want due to not ever expressing it to anyone but myself.  I LOVE my kids, more than life.  I both hate myself and love myself in the same breath.  I yearn to be outdoors, all the time.  I enjoy my daily interactions with my patients and learning everything there is to know about them.  I'm not happy and I'm joyous.  I'm complicated.  That is me.  Take me as I am.