A Mother's Moment

I had a moment today.  It made me happy, it made me sad, it definitely made me cry.  I was getting ready to take a shower and Peyton was in the bathroom with me as usual.  As I went to get in the shower he got really upset and asked me to sit on the toilet (it was strange because he kept saying "Mommy, pee" so I thought he wanted me to try to go to the bathroom like we make him do before his bath).  Instead, when I sat down, he crawled up into my lap and gently asked to nurse.  He's been weened for nearly 6 months now and it was quite a surprise.  When I told him that it was for the baby, he didn't cry or throw a temper tantrum like I expected, but got really cuddly, laying his head on my chest and pulling my arms around him.  It was as if to tell me that he misses being my baby.  We sat there for about 5 minutes that way then looked up and asked me to take a bath with him instead of taking a shower.  So I did and he went back to playing with me as if the moment never happened.

I know I've been neglecting him more as the pregnancy has progressed and I'm physically more uncomfortable and bonding more with the life growing and wriggling inside of me.  This moment in time, this small gesture, five minutes of holding him like I used to when he was a small baby, reminded me that even though he is walking and talking and asserting his independence constantly that a part of him is still a baby that doesn't understand why Mommy has changed and why the only world that he's known since birth is changing too. All I can do is try the best I can to help him transition, understand, and love his new sister and let him know that Mommy still loves him just as much.  I now understand what I couldn't fathom before becoming pregnant with my second child.  There is room enough in your heart for two.