Waterton Tavern-A Community Disappointment

Disclaimer: I am not a restaurant critic by profession or even a writer for that matter. I am, however, a mom, a wife, a connoisseur of sports bars, a community member, and most importantly, someone with an opinion, and I wish to express it here.

For those of you who don't know, I live in the community of Roxborough, CO. We are just that, a community. We have our own zip code, but not our own city name. We are isolated approximately 10 miles in any direction from anything else by state park land, Lockheed Martin, cattle farms, and mountains. We have our own shopping center, which allows us to grocery shop, get gas, go to the library, dine at several establishments, have our clothes laundered, our teeth cleaned, and our backs adjusted all within a few moments from home. What more could a small community want? A bar! In comes the Waterton Tavern, a self touted "family style sports bar" in our little shopping center. The owners are local (at least one of them) and "understand" the demographic of the community and it's needs. That's right, we needed a sports bar, damn it! The marketing geniuses of the Waterton Tavern immediately set up a facebook page and a website with a countdown clock to the grand opening. Boy, were they popular. Everyone was excited, it was all the buzz, with people doing drivebys of the suite in our little shopping center that they were moving in to.

Finally, after several months of palpable anticipation, the Waterton Tavern opened its doors. They were not prepared for the number of people who walked through their doors that day as was evident by the next day. Not wanting to battle the grand opening crowds, my husband, 13 month old son, and I decided to wait until The Day After. We walked through the doors in that unsettled manner that you often walk into a new place, not knowing exactly what you're supposed to do. With no sign to tell us one way or the other (or staff member for that matter) we sat ourselves. Our waitress, who just happens to be our old next door neighbor, informs us that due to the grand opening fiasco, there is only chips and salsa, wings, and the bar. We are also told, that no, they don't have any high chairs or booster seats. So, at a "family style sports bar" I have to eat and drink with my toddler in my lap. Anyone who has ever attempted this, knows this is next to impossible. After looking over the outrageously priced drink menu, we order 2 drinks and some wings. The wings are an appetizer, mind you, which we don't know because she never even brought us a menu, so after finishing our drinks and about 8 wings between us, we pay our check (about 15 minutes after we finished our food) and go to JP's Asian Bistro, a Roxborough staple, and order Pad Thai to go so we can actually feel like we've eaten something.

Not one to not give a place a second chance, we decided again tonight to not go to Buffalo Wild Wings-where we have, on average, frequented once a week for the last 4 years, where the service and food is predictable and the staff knows us-and instead try the Waterton Tavern...again. Afterall, it can't be as bad as the last time when they didn't have food. There is a wait when we get there, which is expected on a Friday night at a new place. There are no chairs to wait in, only a place to stand and hover near the bar, but not at the bar, because we have a child with us and no one under the age of 21 is allowed at the bar. They are putting bracelets on people coming through the door, like this is a nightclub, not a "family style sports bar." It is so loud inside you can't hear yourself think, let alone have a conversation with someone. On the plus side, if your child starts to cry, no one will hear them over the drone.

We are seated finally, or rather, the bouncer tells us a table is now open for us. At least they finally got high chairs! We order drinks and an appetizer, excited about the prospect of food, because A. we are starving, and B. they have hired a professional chef to make up the menu which features many creative items. We decide to start with the calamari and I order the "Classy Crab," a crab cake sandwich, and my husband orders the chicken wrap. The calamari comes, served over a bed of fries. It is edible, but the fries are awful. How do you screw up french fries?! Our food finally comes from an exceedingly slow kitchen considering that most of the patrons seems to be partaking of the bar more than the food. The crab cake sandwich sounded much better on paper and while the chicken wrap was good, how can you screw up a chicken wrap? Then there were more of those awful fries, only made edible by gobs of ketchup. My husband was kind enough to give me half his wrap since I hated my sandwich, so that I wouldn't go hungry. Upon asking for our check we proceeded to wait...again. With the bill finally squared away we headed to the door. When asked by the bouncer "how was everything" I grunted and my husband, not able to hear what he actually asked over the noise said, "have a good one."

We could be alone in our opinion of the Waterton Tavern. My gut says it will survive, based solely upon the fact that the bar, overpriced as it is, will keep them in business. They are open on Thursday through Saturday until 1:30 am, which has been unheard of in our small, quiet community. All I know, is that we won't be returning, unless friends suggest it, and then I won't bring my child and I'll go with the chicken wrap. You can't screw up a chicken wrap.